I could go either way on that ...

a what?

2012-01-18T17:08:00.000-06:00

It's a girl!

I was quite surprised to learn that I have a little girl in my belly. After so many boys I didn't think it was possible. Evann is beside herself. Over the moon really. We haven't come up with a name yet. It's rather difficult for some reason.

I have about 14 weeks left if you can believe that. I can't. CA-RAZY.

Carry on and I will post again when I have something else to talk about.

Ciao!

more changes.

2011-10-12T18:29:00.003-05:00

Fall has finally come to Texas. The days of triple digit heat has finally subsided. Thank the Lord! I wasn't sure if I was going to make it. We finally got some much needed rain. I love rain. I love thunderstorms and overcast skies. Sometimes I think we belong in the Pacific NW but the rest of my clan does not agree. Go figure. So in Texas I remain. Hot and sticky.

Life has thrown me for yet another loop...so many changes...My parents are threatening to move to Seymour this winter. I welcome the threat but it keeps getting pushed back. First it was December and now March. So who knows. But regardless, they want to buy our house. SOOO again I am moving. Back to The Hill we will go. Devin has helped us with the demolition of the building. I WISH I had before and after pics. It is amazing what he has done. Everything was basically gutted. Nothing remains but the apartment and a wall for our bedroom. Its just one large and spacious building. Pun intended but seriously...it's just a massive space of emptiness. And we like it that way. There will be no walls but for the rooms and bathrooms, obviously. The kitchen takes up 1/4 of the space. It will be massive. Or at least it looks like it on paper. We are supposed to move in December. I wonder if it will be ready by then??

So I am also pregnant. Yeah, you read that right. #6 is on its way, due May 1st. I uhm, don't know how I feel. Other than sick all the time. It's a bit surreal. I thought I was done (as I did with every child previously). Apparently not.

Another change came when Jake got called to be our Branch President. He promptly released me as Primary President. This is very difficult for me. I have served in primary for almost 9 years. I have watched these kids grow up. I have laughed with them and cried over them, and had to repent for my thoughts about them. And now its over. Just when I think I am emotionally sound, they ask the new primary presidency to speak in sacrament meeting and I bawl through the whole thing... because I am out. And next years theme is INCREDIBLE. I love it and really wanted to be apart of it. But I am not and I have to deal with that. I wonder how long it will take?

I guess that is the end of my rant today. The end of my list of life changes. Aaron is desperate for something, attention or food. Who knows. Guess I need to find out being his mother and all.

our girlie.

2011-05-01T00:39:00.000-05:00

As I was rereading what I posted just moments ago I was taken aback by a photo of Evann. It wasn't a significant photo, it didn't even show her face. But I don't need to see her face to get choked up about her. I saw my girl. My girlie. My, wanna get dirty, girlie. The girl that is quite possibly more independent and stubborn than I. The girl that won't take no for an answer.

She is amazingly loving. She is the best sister these boys of mine will ever know. She is Aaron's second mom. He loves her and she loves him. She is lonely. She would love to have a little sister to take care of. But alas, she has brothers, 4 of them. Sheesh! They all play well together but she just doesn't get enough of that girlie girl time. She latches on so quickly to younger girls we know. Simply wanting to dress them, do their hair, their nails and lets not forget makeup! She can work wonders with her hot pink eye shadow. Good Lawd! Look out!

She is tired of sharing. She constantly asks, "Can this be mine?" "Can I have the whole cheese pizza to myself?" Seriously Evann, you can barely eat 2 whole slices. "But I want it to be mine." Oh Evann, get through the 2 slices and we'll talk.

Jake bought me some beautiful pearl earrings and necklace for Valentine's Day. Evann was so excited for me she asked her dad if she could just sleep with them until Mom got home. He said when she saw them it almost made her cry because she thought they were so beautiful. She didn't ask if they could be hers though which was interesting in itself. Regardless, we decided that Daddy could buy her some jewelry for Valentine's Day too. She is showing off her loot. Quite proud I might add. A pair of earrings and a necklace.

For some time she has wanted to cut her hair. She wanted it short like the other kids at school. We both were pretty firm on no but one day she got me on a soft day and I helped her talk Dad into cutting her hair. He did not like the idea but agreed. She again, was so proud of her new hairdo. Look at her eyes sparkle! Who is that girl?

This is Evann. My true girlie. This is what she looks like most days. Not because I don't care to brush and style her hair but because this is just how it ends up by the end of the day. She plays hard. She will decide what happens with her hair. For instance, if you put her hair up and she doesn't want it up it will be down once she leaves my presence and enters the school hallway. She is defiant that way. When questioned she will just smirk and shrug her shoulders. Or really she will blame it on Kenadi. "Kenadi wanted to put my hair in a different pony tail..." Riiigghhht.

This is her "posing for Daddy" face. She is daddy's little girlie. When questioned by Jacob because she got something and he didn't she piped up: "Cuz I'm Daddy's girlie that's why!"(He did get something but he got his at a different time of day and well, kids don't remember those things.)

She is our girlie. Our sweet, loving, sneaky, independent, defiant girl. And I wouldn't have her any other way.

earth boxes.

2011-04-30T23:34:00.001-05:00

I dream of having a green thumb like my parents. The reality is that my thumb is pathetic. It tries, almost every growing season it tries but defeat takes over about mid-season. I once planted 2 square foot gardens and had 2 tomato plants flourish. Nothing else. Mostly because I didn't know what I was doing and two I didn't care enough. Well, really, I got scared. Lysle told me one afternoon to be very careful when moving tomato limbs because tarantulas like to hide out in them. "Wait ... WHAT?" I never touched the plants again. That's not true, if I could see a big red ball on the outside of the plant I would pick it but left many on the inside. There will be no tarantula touching for this gal.

I have supportive parents. They see my green thumb dreams and try to help me fulfill them. For instance, they bought me 2 Earth Boxes for my birthday this last year. It was my first time using one. I certainly liked the concept. A water reservoir that gets filled every few days. NICE! Sign me up for that!

To set it up we had to first: get several cups of their potting mix wet. Evann was the mixer. She had no problem getting involved in the dirt preparations!

We took the moistened mix and packed it as best we could into the sectioned referred to as the wick (perhaps I refer to it as that, I dunno). Apparently this moist soil will act as a wick to the rest of the soil above the grate. Below the grate is the water reservoir. You then add the fill tube and the rest of the soil.

Even the little man got into the groove.

All the kids were engaged by the end of the project. Here they are covering up the fertilizer filled tights that lay just below the potting mix. I have planted 2 tomato plants in this container. Hopefully there will be no chance of tarantulas ... I hope. The only downfall is that there is no place to put a cage up so I have to find another solution to support these babies.

I am excited to see these boxes in action. I hope I am successful and have something to show. The kids love to see the baby tomatoes growing. But like most babies, my kids want to manhandle them which usually leads to the baby's demise in some fashion. They are hard on things. I wonder if my little tomato babies will survive. Three of my gorgeous Stargazer Lily's died as a direct result of a child's prodding. I was pretty upset about that but after all they are just flowers AND they will grow back again next year. Eh! I say. I will keep you updated ... as if you are waiting with bated breath for my update! Ha. Be good. Grow something.

Hello...Hello?

2010-09-20T23:05:00.002-05:00

Where is everyone these days? Probably the same place I've been. ...

So, another school year has started. Isaac started Pre-K and LOVES it. His eyes twinkle with excitement. Unless I say we have errands to run after school and then a big bottom lip pokes out, not as big as some but big enough to make me say: I don't ever want to see that look on your face again!

Evann has moved to kindergarten but has her same teacher and classroom. I was slightly disappointed in that because that is half the fun of a new school year: new teacher, new classroom. ... new. Everything is the same for her. Overall it really is fine because we both like her teacher.

Jacob is growing up quickly. Third grade is still so young and yet he wants teenager toys. Money, Mom, I want some money. Jacob, you are too young to be thinking like that! But I want an iPod so I can listen to music. He asked me yesterday, Mom, can I have an iPAD? How bout no Scott. ... He loves music. Loves it! We started this week with basic piano lessons. Truly I am not the one he should be learning from but there is no one else at the moment.

Scouts, soccer, church, life, trucks our days are filled and I am struggling to find time. Organized time. Time that can be captured for just a moment. Time to process the day, heck, the last 5 minutes would be nice too. Time to be a regular family where my husband doesn't have to leave. Where we can go and do as others do. You know, I spend 30 minutes on 1 phone call to get insurance on a pickup yesterday. 30 minutes! It should be illegal for it to take that long on the phone. Every time I call Dish Network it is 30 minutes. Guaranteed. All due to those lousy self automated phone systems. Did you say ... NO I DIDN'T! I immediately am on edge when someone says I have to call Dish. I write this cause I am getting ready to make that call. I really don't want to make that call but I have put it off since the 6th of September and soon enough Jake will ask why I hadn't handled that yet and I will have to say: But, honey, it's Dish. ... Please, I would rather be surrounded by large bouncing crickets. ...Well, I may have to think that one through.

Once again, I write about lost time. Time I am losing right now. Time ticks as I watch my goats cross the street to eat the weeds in the across alley. I must go tend to those escape artists. I am always going after them. They, like children, or most people really, do not like to be caged in. They want their freedom to roam. Roam into the neighbors weed patches. Or perhaps escape us. Nah, they seem to like us enough. Perhaps they are not getting enough food. This would explain why the weeds are always greener on the other side of the street. ...

butterfly herd.

2010-05-29T08:55:00.003-05:00

Isaac ran inside the house this morning excited to show Evann something outside. "Evann, you have got to come out here! There is something sooo cool!!

Evann comes back in the house several minutes later and informs me there is a butterfly herd by the tree. A butterfly herd. I was so tickled by the thought.

you betcha.

2010-04-29T21:54:00.000-05:00

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

aaron kelly

2010-04-26T10:41:00.015-05:00

I am not sure why I have taken so long with this post. I blame it on not having pictures easily accessible but I know it is sheer laziness.

Aaron was born on March 16th, almost 2 weeks early. We planned it that way so Jake could be there. The Friday before I had an ultrasound to check size and fluid levels. His weight was estimated at just over 7 pounds. I was shocked when he actually weighed in at 9lbs. 6oz. He is all torso, neck, and cheeks. Seriously, look at the pictures.

The kids smother him all day with kisses, prodding, and haphazard jostling. I wasn't sure how Ruben would react to him but he digs the little man.

Isaac is not satisfied until he gives him "a smell and a kiss". He loves Aaron's smell; but who doesn't love that newborn baby scent? Evann thinks he is hers. Jacob "misses that little guy" when he's off at school. I am pleased that everyone has welcomed him.

no sunshine.

2010-02-11T21:15:00.004-06:00

Ain't no sunshine when he's gone
It's not warm when he's away
Ain't no sunshine when he's gone
And he's always gone too long
Anytime he goes away

Wonder this time where he's gone
Wonder if he's gonna stay
Ain't no sunshine when he's gone
And this house just ain't no home
Anytime he goes away

This song has been playing in my head regularly. Naturally I changed the lyrics to represent my loving man. ;) This house is not the same without him. We all miss him terribly. Be safe daddy and hurry home. ...

rubbing off.

2010-02-08T09:57:00.005-06:00

I have become a football fan. No, not football, Peyton Manning and the Colts. I can watch a game with Jake but unless it's the Colts I don't really watch. I can't always tell what the ball is doing but in time perhaps I will speak with certainty. Probably not. ;)

As the Super Bowl pre-game show drug on I found myself anxious for the game to start. We had fans on both sides which always makes it fun. There were highs and lows but let's be honest, the highs were in the first half, lows in the second. At least for Colts fans. And then all hope was lost. I had a few emotional outbursts. I see that my husband is rubbing off on me. He has mood swings while he watches a game. It's very interesting to me. One minute he's picking up Jacob and they are excitedly shouting together and the next he is grumbling over conservative play. There is so much emotion. I appreciate his passion although I have not always understood it ... I am starting to.

I was saddened for the Colts fall last night but found comfort in the idea of August being only 7 months away. Preseason!

that's nice.

2010-01-19T09:50:00.010-06:00

I am not happy. I've been crabby for two days straight. Really crabby. My children remind me of fingernails scratching a chalkboard. It's not pleasant. For you worried women--No, I do not feel like hurting my children, I just want them to stop talking, whining, and for Pete's sake, STOP SCREAMING!! I understand that the 3rd trimester brings back mood swings from hormone changes but seriously? This is out of control.

I have been trying to get some work done this morning with Ruben by my side. Typically on a work day I make them breakfast and put on a movie for them. This typically works great and I can peacefully accomplish an hours worth of work. Today, not so much. Ruben crawls into a high chair and watches Dinosaurs as I work. This is going well. Evann wants to paint her room. Not now dear, I am still working. "OK, mom. I'll just take this paintbrush to my room and wait for you." Ok fine. I'll be a few more minutes. "Well, I will just open the paint can for you and wait for you." (Now, I know I hammered the lid down awfully tight and that she will not be able to open it but gosh dang it, I said NO.) This carries on with some homework that needs to be finished--I need a few minutes Evann. "Ok, well, I'll just start here and do this..." NO EVANN. WAIT UNTIL I AM DONE!

Then there is Isaac on the computer. A horrible computer that always freezes and this is not something the kids understand so they all end up opening 10 windows trying to get the program to come on and then wonder why it's taking so long. "Mom, can you come here for a minute?" Oh seriously, kill me now. My one hour of work has turned into 1 1/2 hours due to the interruptions. Awesome.

So as I sit here with Ruben at my side he is given a drink. He takes a drink then pours out the drink onto the high chair and splashes around for a few moments. I think, that's nice, as I watch annoyed. This is not getting any better. I return to my work since the damage is done and I really have to get payroll processed. I can't deal with it right now because I will emotionally discipline him rather than with love and logic and by that I mean the words not the true Love & Logic program. But I find myself watching him, irritated and curious why a child would think that was a good idea. He crawls out of the high chair and I think, great, track the sweet juice all over the house. This thought doesn't make me get up to clean him, no, I am busy. I have things to do. I watch him get a towel out of the drawer and return to his mess that he diligently and perfectly cleans up. Wow. That's nice. I didn't say anything to him. That was really nice. It brightened my dark and gloomy day to heavily overcasted with a chance of sun by noon. ...

go usa.

2010-01-13T11:13:00.010-06:00

Jacob has asked me numerous times, "Why is everything made in China?' Well son, because they can make it cheaper which makes those companies more money. Usually they not only make it cheaper but they make it smaller.

Jacob is always looking at labels. "Mom, what is H-O-N-D-U-R-A-S?" Hm. That is another country the US sends their product for cheaper manufacturing. "Well, what is made in the US?" Not much anymore, honey. "What about Texas? What is made here?" Gosh, what is made here in the grand state of Texas? Not being a knowledgeable native, I go with the only obvious: TEXAS INSTRUMENTS. They make calculators. "Well what else?" Hmm ...

Yesterday I read an email from a friend discussing a desire to shop for USA made products. I suppose there is several of these floating around. I caught myself checking the labels last night as I did my grocery shopping. I felt really good when I did find something made right here; mostly the off-brand but I see nothing wrong with that. I end up saving a few cents in the process and perhaps the job of a fellow American.

Try it yourself, see what you can find made in America. You may be surprised!

we're gypsies.

2009-12-17T21:16:00.004-06:00

Yet again I have found myself packing. Perhaps I haven't mentioned we are moving again? We came across a great deal on a foreclosure and the company decided to buy it. So we will move into it, Jordan and Kayla into our current house and then in a year (give or take) we shall pass it on and perhaps be back on the hill if we can get around to it.

Jake will be home tomorrow night and then Saturday will be spent moving the big stuff which keeps accumulating. I'll move the little stuff over the Christmas break. Jake and Jeff are taking a load to Baltimore on Monday which means their chances are small for getting home for Christmas. Surprisingly I am not shocked or disappointed buy this. I haven't particularly felt the holiday spirit and am fine to postpone the whole thing until Jake gets home again. Obviously I did not discuss this with my kids but I think they will understand ...

Truly, I am so pleased that these men have been able to find loads as often and quickly as they have. I partake in the blessings that come from obedience -- perhaps not my own but that of those marvelous men working so diligently. I appreciate the sacrifice ... leaving your family knowing you have no idea when you'll be home again. Evann cries herself to sleep some nights asking when daddy will be home. "But I want him! I want Daddy." It's hard on everyone. But I am thankful for the work and their dedication. Roll on Daddy ...

On another note, 27 weeks pregnant. We know with some certainty that we have a boy brewing. Yeah, and you thought I had plenty of boys. I thought that too until I heard it was and then I quickly justified why I wanted a boy. Evann is our girlie. She wouldn't be Evann anymore if there was another girlie in the house. Besides, she'd be too old for them to be friends--when they would really need it. I'm very happy with another boy. We've thrown around Aaron Kelly but are not set yet. I will admit this is the longest it's taken us to find a name. Normally it is figured out before I even get pregnant or at least within the first month of knowing.

Well, I guess that's all I got. I hope all your merry souls have a wonderful holiday. Looking forward to seeing KaRa ...Be safe. Love you.

missing cat.

2009-10-19T23:52:00.003-05:00

I really have nothing to say but I am tired of seeing that mop post so I had to at least blog on something ...

So with that note, our Kitty Kitty is missing. Yes, Kitty Kitty, such an original name. We found, stole rather, a stray kitty from Grandma Karma's yard and made her our own. The kids originally chose Kisses as her name but it never stuck. I didn't care for the name, and yes I know Kitty Kitty isn't any better; but it is what it is.

We bought her a purple flea collar and fed the crap out of her. In a matter of days Kitty Kitty was a fat, happy kitty. Although she was wild she tried her hardest to get inside. She was determined. All of a sudden, no kitty. I don't know what has become of her. Isaac loves that cat. I have not found her body on the side of the road but there is no sign of her. I hope someone took her to a new home and that she wasn't run over. And if that were the case, how cruel to do that to my kids.

I am sure we will find ourselves with another stray as we apparently are in a dumping ground type area. So far 3 dogs have been trying find new homes in my small neighborhood. One was lucky enough to get to Katie's but that ended in sorrow. Not for the stray but for Shadow. As the 2 dogs played, Shadow tried to cross the road but wasn't paying attention and was hit by a car. It was very disappointing.

I, or my kids, tend to do a lot of damage at Katie's home. One day I hope to be accident free... And this will conclude my post for tonight as it is past my bedtime causing me to be a wretch by morning. Good night. Lock your doors.

a recommendation.

2009-09-22T13:41:00.005-05:00

If anyone is in need of a new mop..

I bought an O Cedar Pro Twist Mop the other day, actually about 2 months ago, based on its reviews. (I like to do my research ... sometimes.) Because I do not like change I continued to use my old mop until I couldn't stand to look at the sponge anymore. Now don't freak out. I throw away sponges like I throw away paper towels so really, it wasn't that bad but moving on.

I decided today to try my new mop, the Pro Twist. WOW! What a freakin' difference this mop made on my floor. It reached completely behind and around the toilet and cleaned the crud around where the toilet meets the floor. A mighty feat with 2 young boys. My bathroom floor is sparkling. (And Katie, I finally took your advice and got rid of that useless white thing.)

I am in love with this mop. I feel everyone should buy one. They have replacement heads but one head will last about 3-6 months. There is no bucket needed and your hands don't get dirty. It's so clean and effective. Really, try it!!

I am stepping off my soap box now.

last ride.

2009-09-08T21:59:00.005-05:00

On the morning of June 24, 1844, Joseph Smith and his brother Hyrum left their families, homes and fellow Saints for the last time. Traveling on horseback, they paused on this bluff. Joseph looked admiringly at the unfinished temple and the city of Nauvoo and declared:

This is the loveliest place and the best people
under the heavens; little do they know
the trials that await them.

Joseph and Hyrum then continued on to Carthage, Illinois, where they faced legal charges and eventual death at the hands of a mob.

Jake, Jordan and Lysle visited Nauvoo recently. This is one of Jake's pictures that I find rather beautiful. I was moved when Jake showed it to me when he got home and again when Jordan spoke of it on Sunday. I thought I would share...

sweet dixie.

2009-06-27T01:00:00.004-05:00

Dixie has become a fixture in Evann's world. All of them actually. But Evann has really forced herself onto this little creature. Dixie has become Evann's shadow--against her will I assume. We have ditched the glove and have resorted to just picking her up and having her tag along wherever the children go. She has only biten twice more and it was days apart so I think we might be ridding her of that habit. (Yeah!)

I think yesterday she was in her cage for only a handful of hours. Twice I saw that she was taken outside to roam the ... well, I can't speculate why she was taken outside. At any rate, she's been places. Not as many places as Evann would like ...

We had to go on some quick journey and I tell Evann put Dixie away, we have to go. I walk away and then sneak back to see what she does and as suspected she tries to hide Dixie in her purse ... cause Dixie wants to go too. No ma'am. There will be no loose rodents in my truck. She grabs her ball and starts to walk out the door. What are you doing dear? I'm going to put Dixie in her ball so she won't be out. Then she can go with us. Negative smarty pants. Put her in her cage. Today she tried to tuck her in her pants pocket. Silly girl. Get her out of there and put her in the cage. Oh, mom!

I think at times it will be hard for her to let go when the Schroeders come home (IF they come home) but then change my mind as she never refers to it as hers or that she wants it. I am holding on to that as I do not want to spring for one of these ... or maybe I do ... I hate commitments. No. Definitely, no pets ... right now ...

love 'em.

2009-06-17T23:20:00.005-05:00

I am a fan of food. I realize this is not a shock to y'all but follow me anyway...

I am a real fan of artichokes. An obsessed fan. I don't breathe between bites (but manage to savor every morsel) and I cook a few at a time so I can have enough. They are, hands down, the greatest creation in food. When I was young my mom would have them for us often. My dear, sweet father would give up his so I could have it. I always thought my dad didn't like them and that it wasn't much of a sacrifice but recently (and I mean Christmas 2008) I learned that my dad really does like artichokes. Hm. In all these years it never crossed my mind that he was being a father--making a sacrifice so his child could find joy in her butter soaked heart. (Which I see now that line actually has 2 meanings. Go figure!) I realize this was a simple gesture but it made my day. 2 artichokes! How lucky was I??

As a newly married adult I took my husband to visit my sister Erin in Sacramento. We did as we always do when my family gets together--WE ATE! She bought 6 artichokes, I believe, and we cooked them all! Mind you this is 6 artichokes for 4 adults. Naturally, Erin & I would have to eat 2 of them. Well, Jake took one look and turned his nose up. He eventually tried a bite but vowed it would be his last. What's wrong with him??

We didn't skip a beat. We piled Jake's onto our community plate and our bowl (yes, a bowl) of melted butter and proceeded to sit on the floor of her living room bent over the communal plate and butter and devoured the treats in a matter of minutes. We had melted butter dripping down our arms and mouths. It was soooo good. I looked up at one point to see Jake staring the stare that only he can pull off. He was truly disgusted with the amount of butter I was drinking. C'mon, you've seen his look. His mouth is slightly open revealing dried out teeth with a look of astonishment. He has never been the same since that day. At least when it comes to eating these tasty morsels. He would prefer his kids not ingest that much butter but what can I say--they love 'em too.

So the real point of my story is this. My kids love artichokes too. I have been buying one for each of them and 2 for me. (It's a habit and I do not like change.) We can be found huddled over a communal plate and bowl of butter eating faster than at any other time. We love 'em. Tonight, for the first time, I found myself giving up my artichokes to my kids. We were eating along and I could see they were nearing the end of their chokes. For a moment I hesitated--"what if they are going to try to eat mine?? No way, these are mine." But I quickly handed bite after bite to Ruben and Isaac. Throwing a few by way of Evann and Jacob. They were happy and I was actually happy to share with them. I do love 'em -- my kids, I mean. I must to give up something so scrumptious. It left me with a smile. I do love my kids.

hamster sitting.

2009-06-07T23:10:00.006-05:00

The Schroeders have left for an extended vacation in California today. They packed their little--let's be honest--good sized family in their mini van and headed west. In their wake was left their cute little hamster, Dixie, whom we agreed to keep safe. The operative word is safe.

The kids were so excited to have this creature in their grasps. Although every single one of them was scared to death that she would bite through her metal cage and take a chunk out of them. Jacob carefully held her cage while we drove home; at one point he asked if she could bite him if he held the cage close to his body. "Honey, Dixie will only bite what you stick IN the cage." He is relived and they all loosen up.

We get home and almost immediately put her in her rolling ball thang and we watch her for a long time. Ruben wakes and sees a ball and goes for it. Gives it a little shake and drops it when he realizes something is moving inside. He is so curious and brave--he goes for it again and makes a move like he is going to hurl it across the room. I take Dixie and her ball from him and scold him for something he can't possibly understand but he gets it. He really doesn't want mommy to make that horrific noise again.

At this point each child wants to hold Dixie's ball with her inside so when they disobey direct orders to leave her alone, she gets put back in her cage and runs undisturbed on her wheel. Happily I might add.

I begin making dinner and I hear tears. Oh what is it now? Evann has blood on her finger...uh huh. You were messing with Dixie weren't you? Yes! And she bit me REALLY HARD!! I suppose you have learned your lesson then? Yes.

I thought so. But no. Tonight at about 11 pm she snuck out of bed and found her cage. She held it and at some point she dropped it. (It's perfectly fixed now, in case you wondered, Katie.) I walk to my room ready for bed and I hear stressful whimpering. Evann?? What are you doing?

She is bent over with Katie's glove on (the one given for handling said hamster who has a tendency to bite) holding this little rodent. I can see and hear her panic. Evann, what are you doing??

I couldn't get her! Why is she out? What did you do? I was holding her cage and it dropped. Oh Evann get in bed. You are not to touch this animal. Through tears she is sorry and is happy to be rid of the rodent. For tonight anyway...

I do promise to keep this rodent safe for my dear nieces and nephews. It will not die on my watch, manhandled by loving children maybe, but not death. Knock on wood. I will replace sweet hamster with perhaps a kinder, non-biting model if the unthinkable happens. ;) Enjoy your trip Schroeders!

i'll clarify.

2009-05-13T09:50:00.004-05:00

I see I caused an up-rising with my "limited music selection" but I will assure all of you that this was not what I meant. I simply feel that at least one should be in your repertoire. I will again assure everyone that although I love all three, I could not possibly listen to them ONLY. C'mon. I love music too much for that.

Oh, and about the favoritism--I know it's there. I addressed it in an earlier post. And I would LOVE to spend more time describing Isaac but I can't. I'll be honest with you, it is beyond my mental capabilities. He is such an awesome character that I cannot do him justice. It would be a futile attempt. I would prefer a video clip and perhaps one day I will have one. For instance his eyes. They are incredibly suggestive. They sparkle mischievously. Again, something I cannot explain at this point in my blogging career.

Hm. Either I have a rat in an exterior wall or Ruben has broken through the fence and is banging it against the wall. I hear crying ... Rrruben. I must investigate ...

tid bits.

2009-04-26T22:15:00.005-05:00

Where to begin?

Jacob lost another tooth. He wants to spend his $5 now but I am trying to talk him into saving for a better toy later. I do not think he is buying my logic. Few do. He's out of school in 1 month. They are already talking about Castaway Cove. I wish we lived closer. I'd love to go more than once a year. Well...really, who's stopping me? He has also started T-Ball this last week. It's coach pitch which means it's a big free-for-all. The parents are allowed to be on the field with their kids and maybe 4 didn't even have a glove. Should make for a very LONG game. Gladly he keeps track of the ball count. "Ssstttrrrike TWO! One more and you're OUT!" Easy honey. Encourage not discourage your teammates...

Evann took a header on her scooter last Sunday and had 2 stitches. Fortunately we were in the hospital parking lot when it happened--during our walk to the park. Daddy took out the stitches last night and found a pebble embedded in her skin. Nice. She's been good about taking care of them. She's actually developing into a wonderful little helper. Her mommy instincts are coming out. She tries to take care of any younger child that will allow her the oportunity. The unsuspecting children are typically having a good ol' time when Evann sees their lack of parental guidance and promptly remedies the situation. "Mom, here. Ruben wants you." No he doesn't he was happy eating in his seat; and now he's crying. Thank you for helping but he was fine, honey. She cocks her head to the side and gives me a crooked smile as if to say, "Whatever, he's your problem now." She starts Pre-K this fall. We're happy about it, she's happy about it. It's all good stuff.

Isaac and Ruben are the same as always. Although Ruben can walk, he does it on his own terms. It's a little more often than a week ago but not like a typical 16 month old. Isaac is always keeping tabs on Ruben. That's not the best idea since there is a tad bit of jealousy there on both sides. I enjoy it when Isaac asks me questions and then repeats my answer: "Mom, do we like french fries?" Yes we love french fries. "Oh, we DO like french fries."

Back to the random thoughts I promised in my title:
I really like Jason Mraz. A lot. And I really like Michael Buble. And I feel that if you have the time to listen to music it should be 1 of 3 people:
Jason Mraz, Michael Buble, or Stevie Ray Vaughan. Enough said on that. Well, not so much because I really like a song by Flo Rida (the name is so silly-I think he's actually from Florida, I saw something about his name somewhere) Anyway, he has a remix of Dead or Alive's, You Spin Me...It makes me happy. I REALLY enjoy it and I typically do not appreciate remakes or remixes but this one really makes me want to dance. Good good good.

Okay, I am tired. I feel a little like complaning about things but will opt out of that behavior for the night. Besides, my heartburn is forcing me to call it quits and find the Tums.

I am so wordy. Eh, oh well. Deal with it, I guess. Buenas noches!

i'm fortuitous?

2009-02-19T21:16:00.005-06:00

I was explaining to Susan this afternoon that it seems that most of my life tragedies leave me sitting fatter than the one before. For instance, my most recent vehicle drama.

I hit a deer in the Excursion. It hit squarely in the middle of the front end. The headlights were not even damaged. I couldn't see or hear anything leaking so I drove on. Got home, no leaks, there were a few problems with the gauges and shifting but overall it was fine.

Well, not so much. I drove it to Vernon to drop it off at the body shop and the engine quit. There was smoke, the smell of burnt oil and antifreeze. Not a good sign. Turns out I didn't blow the engine, exactly. I melted everything onto it. I drove roughly 60 miles without water or oil. The gauges were not working so I didn't know there was a problem.

The insurance company is covering the engine but Ford estimated $16,000 to replace the engine and all it's components. Naturally, they totaled the vehicle. I am upset but see the blessing in this little tragedy, with help from Jake. We will be able to buy another Excursion, exactly like this one, Jake already put the deposit down and bought a ticket for Robert to pick it up in Indiana; and have extra money to put on the red truck we recently acquired to make its payments manageable.

The red truck is what this is really all about. I was worried about the payment but now I don't need to. It seems things like this always happens to us. Just when I let go of its importance I am blessed with a much better situation. I feel very lucky and then I feel it's not fair. Jake & I seem to win all the time when others do not. I am very blessed. My husband rocks my world. He is a phenomenal man. My kids, although sick and draining, are everything to me. I don't know how my life could be any better.

On another note, Garrett and Julie (soon to be sister) drove the red truck to us this last weekend. They stayed a few days. It was such a pleasure having them. They are a sweet couple that I enjoy listening to. They remind me of Jake and I with their banter. They are planning their August 1st wedding. We took pictures in Wichita Falls for their invitations. It was fun for me but my batteries died just as we were getting into it. I was really bummed but we did get a few that may work.

my kids.

2009-01-25T19:25:00.014-06:00

I seem to talk a lot about Jacob. I suppose that's because he does the most right now. We took some pictures today to put on his "Wild About Me" board that is due tomorrow. I love photographing him. He likes it too. He likes to look handsome and would like to wear this particular outfit everyday. He is settling for Sundays.

Evann is my glamorous tomboy. She loves to wear skirts and hates having her hair done for very long. Today is the first time that she was interested in taking pictures. I think she did good in this one. I think her daddy will love it!

Isaac is my comedy relief, well, most days. This day is not any different. He started feeling sick earlier in the day. He had been stuffing his mouth with his fingers and complaining about pain. He couldn't show me where just that it hurt. He had asked for a band-aid but I said I'm sorry son, I cannot put a banda-id in your mouth, it won't stick. I let it go because what can I do without evidence of pain? I went to the back room for some reason and when I returned to the kitchen he met me with a band-aid stretched across his lips as you see pictured. I laughed at this and thought, if there's a will, there's a way. He spent the next 2 hours with that band-aid over his lips except for the time he (through a muffled voice) asked me how he could get a drink because he was really thirsty. I simply say, move the band-aid from your lips. He nodded and ran off. Peeled the band-aid off but promptly replaced it once he was done. When asked if it he felt better he gave a nod with such conviction it nearly toppled him over. He is a sweet, sweet boy. Oh man, can he cause a ruckus in this house. He is my biggest instigator and I wouldn't change anything about him.

Ruben may turn out to be my little piano player. He loves to pound away whenever I am practicing. Really, you can find him at any point of the day tapping away. I like that. He won't walk for whatever the reason. He is standing on his own but he calls it quits there. There is not much to say about him right now.

Jake is stuck in Newport News. We miss him when he's gone. His sacrifice does not go unnoticed. I truly appreciate the life he's given me and our kids. We have so much to be thankful for.

The kids have been unattended for 20 minutes now. DANGER DANGER DANGER! They are not too quite so the mess won't be flour coating the floor...let's see what surprise lies ahead... night night!

that's it?

2009-01-22T21:32:00.006-06:00

It is half way through January and I finally took down Christmas yesterday. I sit here happy knowing the daunting task of taking down a half decorated tree and 3 snowflakes is over. Yes, you read that right. That's all it was. I hardly decorated at all which is why I think it was so easy this time to leave it up for so long. At any rate, it is over and my house needs real life in it. That's the sad part (for me) about Christmas being over--the colors are so pretty during the holidays and when it's over I've got brown, green, and cream. Yeah. So lively. I think a few live plants, maybe a ficus tree. Something. I need life. Maybe I need A life. I dunno, you be the judge.

Jacob did lose his tooth while in California. The tooth fairy left him $5. Not sure if it was excessive but whatever. He promptly spent his lot on hot wheels and then asked if we could do it again the next day. He's doing well in school. Not straight A's but close 5 A's and a B for the last 3 six week periods. I'm good with that. I think he's going to play baseball this spring. Let's hope my nerves can handle it. It's tough to teach him things about baseball when his dad is showing him stuff about football. I think he's getting confused.

The rest of the kids have been suffering with one illness after another. Today everyone seems healthy. There isn't much more to say at the moment. Ruben is killing me with his curiosity. He has to fiddle with everything in my personal space. It's freaking me out. SO that's it. I give in to the little one and will leave you all to your own devices.

Late.

loose tooth.

2008-12-14T00:52:00.002-06:00

Jacob has informed me that he has a loose tooth. Yeah! I am so excited for him. I say to my little man, "come here and let me see--let me yank on it some." He does and I feel a wave of emotion as I pull my finger out of his mouth. This is real. He's growing up. Oh my gosh, next it will be "boxers or briefs?" and soon after commando (I think every young man has tried it once ... maybe more ...)

I am so happy that he is so happy. Jake told him he would help get it out when he gets home. I smiled a confident smile--"Jacob, I won't let your father pull your tooth before it's ready." I paused, thought about what I just promised and with a nervous smile I tell him, "Honey, I will try my very best to talk your dad OUT of pulling your tooth before it's ready." I think we all know that when Jake has a mind to do something ... Anyway, he wants to tell everyone he knows but no one seems to answer the phone. (We haven't tried Kara yet since she has a crazy schedule and we have a fear of waking her.) So pretty soon the boy will be going through the awkward stage that no child should have to endure.

Oh, he also saw a picture of Brad Pitt before he became a douche bag with that absolute bitch of a "partner" Angelina (insert vomit spewing face) you know: Legends of the Fall Brad Pitt. Well, his shirt was off and he had a six-pack that is now the envy of Jacob's young mind. He said he wants one and is willing to do the work to get it. First thing this morning he did 23 push ups (whatever that means)and some number of sit ups. And then later when we went to the park he wanted to run around to work on his abs. Cute kid.

I am tired. It's late and I have church in the morning.

little people.

2008-12-07T23:34:00.007-06:00

I sit here with nothing of consequence to say but felt the urge to ramble. I changed my music. Something I've wanted to do for a while but lacked the time, I suppose. Tonight, I badly wanted to hear these songs listed. Think of it what you will.

The kids are becoming little people. Little people with ideas and plans and wants and desires. I am not sure what to do with this. Jacob seems to want to make a plan for the smallest reasons. I find this tedious and yet very helpful. See, once the plan is in place he at least follows it and tries to help the rest of the crew adhere to it. Sometimes I wish I had thought through our new rules and plans. He's a tricky one and tends to catch me going against the grain. Tonight we made a new rule--no one is allowed to get out of their seat belts until the car has stopped. I've been very relaxed with seat belts. (Truly, I know the danger but it has not been extremely important to me. Go figure)

SO I have been cleaning out the rig for an hour trying to get into those tiny places where fingers can't reach but there seems to be a whole bag of chips smashed. Odd. See, I have to clean the car before I put freshly laundered car seats in there. I have to have freshly laundered car seats in order to feel good about putting my kids in their seats. Truly this is the reason I've been relaxed on car seats. They are dirty. Who wants to sit in a dirty seat? So let's not have them buckled and hope that fate is not tempted and we will survive another trip to ... where ever we go.

Evann is in need of a hair cut. Her hair is pretty nappy but she's not feeling a cut and neither is her father. Neither of which is ever on hair duty. Although, her raggity hair is Evann. It always looks so pretty, fresh out of the tub. Just this morning I looked at her and though-Wow! That is some pretty hair. But now, 4 hours later--not so much. I suppose I will let it keep going the way it is because anything else would be change and I don't like change. Simply put.

Oh my gosh--Isaac. What a character. You all are missing out. Nothing but a live viewing will do this boy justice. He is very helpful. He simply says, "Mom, can I help you?" He can make me melt. Well, he can also make me combust in the same conversation. He is a treasure. They all are.

And Rooster. He is a different kind of character. He is either happy and loving life or screaming his high pitched squeal. Nearly 1 and not really attempting to walk yet. Boy, does he love his daddy.

My urge to ramble has suddenly left me and I cannot finish this post fast enough. So I suppose that is all you are going to get from me tonight. Sleep well all.

catch up.

2008-10-31T23:46:00.003-05:00

I really hate this program for blogging. I can NEVER get my font the way I want it on the first, second, or fifth attempt. It really bothers me that it has to be so difficult.

Moving on ... the last kitty died after about a week of torment. Not by the hands of my children but my husband. She was following Jake out the door and was caught perfectly for the door to close on her mid-section. Her spine was broken and I just felt terrible as she drug her hind quarters searching for a safe haven. She didn't seem to be in too much pain as she did not cry. Jake put her down. I was pretty broken up about this little kitty dying. I assume because she was just a baby. I hate death. Wow. Let's move on from here.

So Isaac has cavities. I would love to say that I brush his teeth daily and floss weekly but that is a big fat lie! I may brush monthly and floss during his 6 month check up. I know. You mothers out there are probably pulling at your hair with anguish on your faces thinking how could you do that to your sweet little man. Well, the intention is there but not the follow through. I have a goal to brush / floss more regularly and I think everyone else should as well. So he had an appointment to get his teeth filled and such in Wichita this morning at 6 am. Yeah. That put me leaving my house at 5 am and having Susan wake up early to get Jacob off to school. I get there and they say sorry, you can't have that baby in here so we'll have to reschedule you. Wow. No sympathy for a travelling girl. Apparently I should have known better. I guess she was right. Why would I think it was okay to have a baby in a doctor's office. I gave you the very short version but I will let you know, I kept my cool. I did not boycott them. I said I'm sorry for the trouble and they rescheduled me for Monday morning at the same time. I drove to Wichita for nothing. I did see that diesel is $3.07 which made me happy.

So maybe this hasn't come up yet but we are moving. Yes, you read that right. We just bought a house in town and will be moving sometime soon. It's too much to live and build so we found a good opportunity and took it. I have great expectations of a home with crisp clean lines and no clutter. I'll keep you posted on how that's working for me. We still plan on moving back to The Hill but maybe in a year or two. I am certain it will not be as stressful as the one 3 months ago since everything is still packed. We are crazy. So unpredictable.

Uhm, I don't know where I am with this. I am so sleepy I don't even know if I'm putting my words together correctly. I am sick, tired, and a headache has been creepin' in. I'm going to sleep hard tonight. I'm done. I'm out.

Oh, and Happy Halloween. I nearly forgot the holiday since we have not had it yet. We will be celebrating our trick or treating tomorrow cause in Seymour, and many other surrounding towns, it has been moved to Saturday so that there will be a great showing at the Friday night football game. Only in Texas.

9 lives

2008-10-14T08:41:00.007-05:00

I picked up 2 kittens a couple days ago in an effort to rid my home of mice. These poor itsy bitsy kittens were abandoned by their humans and without their mama. So "mother mode" kicks in and I want to nurse them back to health (as if they were in bad health-I dunno). SO I buy wet cat food and give them the entire can which proved to be a bad idea. Because only one ate from it and he ate it all. 24 hours later dead kitty. Perhaps he overate and couldn't pass it fast enough. Again, I dunno.

So we are down to 1 kitty that has finally allowed itself to be handled by her new humans ... poor kitty didn't know how good she had it BEFORE she allowed us into her life. Darla, um ... I mean, Evann has come to her rescue. Every time she cries Evann goes to get her. Yes, Evann that is also as allergic to cats as her father. She picks her up and nuzzles her face into the belly of the cat. Moments later she emerges with hives but as she puts it, "That's okay." Yes, it's okay until she starts to scratch at her eyeballs and begs for medicine. Poor little girl. I suppose as her mother I should control the situation and forbid her to touch the cat but c'mon she's a little girl, a lover of all animals. And her allergy is not life threatening. A little Benadryl and we're good. A little nap and we are healed.

So this morning is a wonderfully rainy day. It's foggy and wet. I love these days. The wagon was filled with water from rain, several inches. Darla, I mean Evann, thought kitty needed a bath cause "she was all dirty and she got me dirty too!" as Evann puts it. So she drenches and quite possibly holds down the kitty in the pool of water at least 3 times. I say 3 since I keep hearing this horrific sound coming from the cat that many times. I demand the release of her prisoner and make her come inside. I scold her for being mean to the kitty and naturally, "I wasn't being mean, I was just getting her clean." This perhaps is what bathtime is like in Evann's mind. (Note to self: be more gentle while washing hair.)

So all is well and I feed the kids breakfast but I continue to hear that cat wailing. SO I go look for her and she is a fully saturated mess. She is half the cat she was, shaking and trembling. Not happy. So again, mother mode kicks in and I collect the cat and dry her off with an old towel. Not working, she's too wet and cold. So I take her upstairs and blow dry her until she gets her core temperature back up. ;) I left her in the towel in the other part of the house where she is now quite. Perhaps making an escape route in her mind for when she is fully recovered. Or only when she sees Evann lurking. I love my girl. She tries so hard, she's like the that old cartoon about the abominable snowman...

willden family

2008-09-09T12:02:00.006-05:00

i'm thankful.

2008-08-11T23:24:00.004-05:00

I'm thankful for my husband. For those unbelievers out there--Jake is the real deal. He has his mood swings but he is a loving husband, father, son, and brother. He does not show his feelings in a manner most familiar but I can tell you without doubt this man loves. He may rant when he's hurt but he's forgiving to a fault. You'll never know the lengths he will go if you never let him in. I am very grateful he listens to the spirit. Too many times my world was in danger of shattering and would have had it not been for the Spirit whispering in his ear.

I'm thankful for my children. They have changed me. They are teaching me things that I need to learn, not necessarily what I want to learn. I know this world is not all about me. I know it is about sacrificing and tests. I know it's about service and love for your fellow man. They are teaching me that time is precious. My time with them right now is precious. This is what matters. This is what I am here for. This is the purpose to my life. Raising children in the gospel of Jesus Christ and having them know their Savior, this is where it's at.

I'm thankful for my parents. I am grateful they have found a way to make their love work. Grateful they have raised us in this church and taught us the important things in life. Maybe we didn't pick up all the lessons right away but the impression was made. They are supportive and willing to help. Encouraging and realistic. They are greatly missed and loved. The kids and I long for their permanent stay in Texas...

There are many people in my life I am thankful for. Many people that deserve their name in my post but time does not permit it. I hear a child crying. An unhappy cry to be honest. So I must end. Perhaps in the next post I shall continue ... until then, just know you are loved.

still moving.

2008-07-23T14:58:00.005-05:00

We've moved over some things but I need more. Naturally. Really, we just moved beds, fridge and stove so I need A LOT more. I've cleaned out much of my kitchen and have to say if I had cleaned out my cabinets more often I would have known that mice were able to get to the top shelf of my spice cabinet. Whoda thought they were that nimble?! Who do they think they are? Can I not have one place that is just mine?? No infestations of any kind!?

So I start unpacking some items yesterday and excitedly opened my silverware drawer for the first time since we set them up the night before. I plop a few razor blades into the drawer (Something we never have enough of. Weird.)and see movement. Crap, what was that? Big spider. WHY? I thought we bug/mice proofed our living quarters. Uhm no. What was I thinking? I left the critter alone cause I don't want to spray Black Flag into where my silverware will go and I most certainly will not grab paper towels and pick it up. SO I check this morning and it is gone. Nice. Where o where will it turn up next. Sock drawer? Ruben's diaper basket? Only time will tell. I did, however, spray the perimeter with some at-home bug treatment stuff. Let's hope the spider got a good whiff and will turn up upside down ... soon.

I saw the alligator lizard today. I did not tell Jacob though. He'd obsess about it again. Hm. Wonder where that comes from?

I really don't have time for more so another day, another time. Until then, keep blogging all. I look forward to reading your thoughts. By the way, I am not feeling as crabby...about a 4 on the scale. Although, I really have no patience for misbehaving children. My poor kids have it rough right now. Eh, they're resilient. They will get a big fat gift when all is said & done for being such troopers. Not sure what yet but perhaps something I don't even know about. Good bye.

catch up.

2008-07-16T23:11:00.004-05:00

Does anyone else have trouble getting the font to stay the way you want it? Moving on ...

I'm still crabby. Not as bad as say 3 weeks ago (shoot, three days ago) but a 7 on a scale from 1-10. I am set to move in this weekend. Yikes. I am far from ready. Perhaps 15 bins and 8 boxes are ready. Yeah ... Not so good. But my theory is this: move what I need and come back for the rest ... I actually adapted that from another family member but whatever, let's (again) consider it is my theory.

I am interested to see how the kitchen comes out. We put one of the tables together today and I am excited to see how the whole thing will look together. Odd, no doubt, but just what we want. I found the tables/cabinets at IKEA (LOVE LOVE LOVE this place.) I actually found quite a few fun things ... I should be honest, I love almost everything about this store. I could go on for quite some time about the perks but will spare you. I spent three hours shopping there on Monday and was tempted to go another round. (I say round cause the store is set up like a maze. You enter here and end somewhere else.) I may have a problem.

Jake has taken this week off to finish this phase. He (and others) have been working like a madman. He gets a few weeks ahead trucking to spare a week to work day and night putting together a home. We've been running back & forth between our house and Susan's. I am so tired of this. You never feel like you belong. For instance tonight: I took some of my food to Susan's yesterday so there is nothing here. But tomorrow when I'm on the hill I will have wished I as at home for an extra change of clothes. The shuffle is killing all of us. I can't imagine the amount of money we will save on food alone when we are in Seymour. Thank goodness cause I hate Sonic.

We have an alligator lizard in the house. Well, at least that's what we call them in California. Jacob desperately wants to catch him so he can have a pet. He is frantic about not having something to take care of. I feel for them. I had pets all my life and can't imagine not having one. One of these days we'll get something but Jake says it will be a hog (to later slaughter), a calf (to later slaughter), or chickens (to steal their eggs). Good times. Good times.

Jacob turned 6 last Sunday. We took him to Castaway Cove to celebrate. Most of the family was there. Everyone got wet which was awesome. The lazy river makes it all worth it. The cliffhanger got even LG and Jared in the water. Actually the lazy river did but who cares right? We had fun and hit up CC's Pizza afterward.

Isaac is potty trained and with that a more frequent responsibility for me (ugh)--toilet paper duty. This has to be the worst stage in parenting. You really need to stop what you're doing EVERY time they pee, which is far too often. Let's not get into #2--so much waiting! Who really needs an audience? Anyway, I am taking him to a doctor in Dallas next month to have his size evaluated. I'll keep you posted.

Evann is growing up so fast. She is mimicking Jacob constantly. But doesn't really have anything going on in her life at the moment. Ruben as well, pretty dull. He has not cut any teeth yet but will try to take a bite out of you if you get near his gumline.

I think I've done far too much blogging for one evening. I'm sleepy and have much to do tomorrow. We are laying laminate flooring upstairs so I need my rest. Good night to all. Late.

nothing important.

2008-07-08T00:31:00.003-05:00

I really have nothing important to discuss so I will just ramble and see where it goes...

I have been closed off. I've removed myself from whatever I could (many things will not allow this which is disappointing). I feel once I get through the move I will be in a better state of mind and my spirits can then (willingly) be lifted. Right now I just want to be left to wallow. Selfish? Yes, I know. But I need to be right now. At least I tell myself that. No, I do not feel like hurting my kids or leaving my husband. I am happy where they are concerned. Well, I do wish Evann & Isaac would stop having temper tantrums. It drives me insane when Isaac throws himself on the floor and then throws his head back onto whatever is behind him creating a loud thud followed by even more piercing screams. And I stand there fuming as I watch him do this not caring that he has been hurt. Shoot, he deserves it for acting like that. "I hope that hurts Isaac. Maybe next time you'll think twice before you throw yourself onto that tile floor behind you." He doesn't and he'll do it again in the very near future.

Evann is going through the "I don't WANT to" phase. That's just as frustrating. And who am I to be frustrated?? I am essentially doing the same thing. I am a hypocrite. And a negative one at that. Tired too. I will finish something tomorrow. That is once I do some work first. No, my reports are not 100% complete but I did get a lot of work done before my meaningless blog.

the time?

2008-06-22T20:23:00.007-05:00

While discussing with Jake the idea that I will have a blog he asked me...do you have the time? (Hm. Interesting question.) He continues: See, you tell me you don't have time to do many of the things I have asked you not to mention the things you said you wanted to do for the family--like the laundry. I am still waiting for reports that I asked you for weeks ago. (True. True.) When do you think you have the time to do this?

I accept the point he is making--You are right Jake, I have neglected things. I half-heartedly plead my case stating why it may be good for us...It will give me things to talk about with him. (Long explanations that I won't trouble you with at this time.)And he says that's fine. He doesn't mind the blog but he won't be very happy if my blog is up to date and his financial records are not. So in the end I have been humbled. I can't justify making time for the things I want to do while only putting forth half the effort to the number one priority--the company. (Well, #1 after the family and what not.) So I may have a blog entry for the day but that will be after I have done my bookkeeping duty for the day.

I know this sounds almost silly but how do you argue against truth? I have asked Jake to help me become what I was years ago, organized and mindful of the task at hand. This will perhaps help me get one step closer to a newly reformed priority driven, organized Ryann. This is what I look forward to. I hate the chaos I have created.

On another note, I anxiously await my parents arrival. Jacob is out casting his fishing pole--just practicing for when he and Grandpa will hit up Miller Creek or maybe Lake Kemp. I dunno. Where's there any good fishing here where you can cook over an open fire. Dad likes to cook breakfast in the morning over an open flame after a hard (yet relaxing) morning of fishing. Or maybe during. I dunno that either cause it's been YEARS since I've fished with him.

That time issue comes to mind again. I gotta go. There is bound to be a load of laundry waiting for me...adios...

i'm moving.

2008-06-18T18:21:00.003-05:00

In about 2 weeks we will be leaving our home of 3 1/2 years to move back to Seymour. Moving into a large space that needs work...a lot of work. We are only using about 1/3 of the building right now until the rest of the remodel is done. I have been spending the last 3 days sorting through my clutter to decide what I need.

I have this theory that if I don't use it in 6 months--get rid of it. I think someone else has that theory but I have taken it as my own. So this boggles my brain. I know I will not be using much of this junk so I should toss it right? But if I am to move into other parts of this house in the next 6 months (only time will tell) I should keep it. But I don't want to store junk. I can't figure out what I need now. What to store. What to toss. It's driving me nuts. Not as much as Ruben screaming though. It's just insane. I've spoiled him to where he wants no one else but me all the time.

So my blogging is over for now as I tend to the 5 month old that runs my life.

i'm obsessive.

2008-06-16T17:04:00.004-05:00

I obsess over everything. Whatever it is I am feeling strongly about at the moment takes center stage. For instance, this blog. I said I would start a blog and here I am an hour after trying to start my first post still trying to figure out what to say. My day has been uneventful but the one thought is I'm obsessive.

Not over the things I really wish I would be though. Take cleaning for instance, when it was just me it was no problem to be anal about the direction the clothes hung in the closet not to mention divided up into seasons, type, and color. I have 5 other people to clean up after. I don't even know where Jake's G's are half the time. Where would 10 pairs be?? Certainly not in the laundry...ah, yes, there they are; still dirty.

I'm obsessive about my cooking. I search all resources until a recipe stands out and then I study it. Would so and so like this combination? Would Jake like the vegetables? Will the kids eat it? Can I find this ingredient? Is there time? I nit pick it to death. Most of the time my new found recipe is accepted and slid into rotation.

Photography. Wow, this is my most recent issue. I failed at shooting my brother-in-law's wedding and cannot get over it. I cried when I told him 20 rolls of film are complete trash. (Photoshop can't even help.) I cried when I told her. I cried when I thought about it for the first 24 hours. Nothing else mattered. Ever since I have carried my 2 cameras with me and am shooting everything that catches my eye. They are not turning out badly which makes me realize I cannot shoot indoors. I am not able to judge the lighting. I now belong to a photo forum where I am spending countless hours trying to understand exposure and lighting. Areas I thought I was well versed.

In short, I have 4 children and a husband. I don't have time to be obsessive. I don't know how to overcome this and am not sure I want to. I learn so much when I am in this mode but I neglect my family. As stated earlier: I've been at this blog for well over an hour now while Isaac has emptied the clothes hamper onto Ruben. Perhaps trying to remove yet another one of my distractions by suffocation. I hear the microwave open which couldn't be good. Last time he did this he tried to cook a toy. And I still type...and now a cry...hm. Guess I'll stop what I'M doing...