the time?

While discussing with Jake the idea that I will have a blog he asked me...do you have the time? (Hm. Interesting question.) He continues: See, you tell me you don't have time to do many of the things I have asked you not to mention the things you said you wanted to do for the family--like the laundry. I am still waiting for reports that I asked you for weeks ago. (True. True.) When do you think you have the time to do this?

I accept the point he is making--You are right Jake, I have neglected things. I half-heartedly plead my case stating why it may be good for us...It will give me things to talk about with him. (Long explanations that I won't trouble you with at this time.)And he says that's fine. He doesn't mind the blog but he won't be very happy if my blog is up to date and his financial records are not. So in the end I have been humbled. I can't justify making time for the things I want to do while only putting forth half the effort to the number one priority--the company. (Well, #1 after the family and what not.) So I may have a blog entry for the day but that will be after I have done my bookkeeping duty for the day.

I know this sounds almost silly but how do you argue against truth? I have asked Jake to help me become what I was years ago, organized and mindful of the task at hand. This will perhaps help me get one step closer to a newly reformed priority driven, organized Ryann. This is what I look forward to. I hate the chaos I have created.

On another note, I anxiously await my parents arrival. Jacob is out casting his fishing pole--just practicing for when he and Grandpa will hit up Miller Creek or maybe Lake Kemp. I dunno. Where's there any good fishing here where you can cook over an open fire. Dad likes to cook breakfast in the morning over an open flame after a hard (yet relaxing) morning of fishing. Or maybe during. I dunno that either cause it's been YEARS since I've fished with him.

That time issue comes to mind again. I gotta go. There is bound to be a load of laundry waiting for me...adios...

i'm moving.

In about 2 weeks we will be leaving our home of 3 1/2 years to move back to Seymour. Moving into a large space that needs work...a lot of work. We are only using about 1/3 of the building right now until the rest of the remodel is done. I have been spending the last 3 days sorting through my clutter to decide what I need.

I have this theory that if I don't use it in 6 months--get rid of it. I think someone else has that theory but I have taken it as my own. So this boggles my brain. I know I will not be using much of this junk so I should toss it right? But if I am to move into other parts of this house in the next 6 months (only time will tell) I should keep it. But I don't want to store junk. I can't figure out what I need now. What to store. What to toss. It's driving me nuts. Not as much as Ruben screaming though. It's just insane. I've spoiled him to where he wants no one else but me all the time.

So my blogging is over for now as I tend to the 5 month old that runs my life.

i'm obsessive.

I obsess over everything. Whatever it is I am feeling strongly about at the moment takes center stage. For instance, this blog. I said I would start a blog and here I am an hour after trying to start my first post still trying to figure out what to say. My day has been uneventful but the one thought is I'm obsessive.

Not over the things I really wish I would be though. Take cleaning for instance, when it was just me it was no problem to be anal about the direction the clothes hung in the closet not to mention divided up into seasons, type, and color. I have 5 other people to clean up after. I don't even know where Jake's G's are half the time. Where would 10 pairs be?? Certainly not in the laundry...ah, yes, there they are; still dirty.

I'm obsessive about my cooking. I search all resources until a recipe stands out and then I study it. Would so and so like this combination? Would Jake like the vegetables? Will the kids eat it? Can I find this ingredient? Is there time? I nit pick it to death. Most of the time my new found recipe is accepted and slid into rotation.

Photography. Wow, this is my most recent issue. I failed at shooting my brother-in-law's wedding and cannot get over it. I cried when I told him 20 rolls of film are complete trash. (Photoshop can't even help.) I cried when I told her. I cried when I thought about it for the first 24 hours. Nothing else mattered. Ever since I have carried my 2 cameras with me and am shooting everything that catches my eye. They are not turning out badly which makes me realize I cannot shoot indoors. I am not able to judge the lighting. I now belong to a photo forum where I am spending countless hours trying to understand exposure and lighting. Areas I thought I was well versed.

In short, I have 4 children and a husband. I don't have time to be obsessive. I don't know how to overcome this and am not sure I want to. I learn so much when I am in this mode but I neglect my family. As stated earlier: I've been at this blog for well over an hour now while Isaac has emptied the clothes hamper onto Ruben. Perhaps trying to remove yet another one of my distractions by suffocation. I hear the microwave open which couldn't be good. Last time he did this he tried to cook a toy. And I still type...and now a cry...hm. Guess I'll stop what I'M doing...