loose tooth.

Jacob has informed me that he has a loose tooth. Yeah! I am so excited for him. I say to my little man, "come here and let me see--let me yank on it some." He does and I feel a wave of emotion as I pull my finger out of his mouth. This is real. He's growing up. Oh my gosh, next it will be "boxers or briefs?" and soon after commando (I think every young man has tried it once ... maybe more ...)

I am so happy that he is so happy. Jake told him he would help get it out when he gets home. I smiled a confident smile--"Jacob, I won't let your father pull your tooth before it's ready." I paused, thought about what I just promised and with a nervous smile I tell him, "Honey, I will try my very best to talk your dad OUT of pulling your tooth before it's ready." I think we all know that when Jake has a mind to do something ... Anyway, he wants to tell everyone he knows but no one seems to answer the phone. (We haven't tried Kara yet since she has a crazy schedule and we have a fear of waking her.) So pretty soon the boy will be going through the awkward stage that no child should have to endure.

Oh, he also saw a picture of Brad Pitt before he became a douche bag with that absolute bitch of a "partner" Angelina (insert vomit spewing face) you know: Legends of the Fall Brad Pitt. Well, his shirt was off and he had a six-pack that is now the envy of Jacob's young mind. He said he wants one and is willing to do the work to get it. First thing this morning he did 23 push ups (whatever that means)and some number of sit ups. And then later when we went to the park he wanted to run around to work on his abs. Cute kid.

I am tired. It's late and I have church in the morning.

little people.

I sit here with nothing of consequence to say but felt the urge to ramble. I changed my music. Something I've wanted to do for a while but lacked the time, I suppose. Tonight, I badly wanted to hear these songs listed. Think of it what you will.

The kids are becoming little people. Little people with ideas and plans and wants and desires. I am not sure what to do with this. Jacob seems to want to make a plan for the smallest reasons. I find this tedious and yet very helpful. See, once the plan is in place he at least follows it and tries to help the rest of the crew adhere to it. Sometimes I wish I had thought through our new rules and plans. He's a tricky one and tends to catch me going against the grain. Tonight we made a new rule--no one is allowed to get out of their seat belts until the car has stopped. I've been very relaxed with seat belts. (Truly, I know the danger but it has not been extremely important to me. Go figure)

SO I have been cleaning out the rig for an hour trying to get into those tiny places where fingers can't reach but there seems to be a whole bag of chips smashed. Odd. See, I have to clean the car before I put freshly laundered car seats in there. I have to have freshly laundered car seats in order to feel good about putting my kids in their seats. Truly this is the reason I've been relaxed on car seats. They are dirty. Who wants to sit in a dirty seat? So let's not have them buckled and hope that fate is not tempted and we will survive another trip to ... where ever we go.

Evann is in need of a hair cut. Her hair is pretty nappy but she's not feeling a cut and neither is her father. Neither of which is ever on hair duty. Although, her raggity hair is Evann. It always looks so pretty, fresh out of the tub. Just this morning I looked at her and though-Wow! That is some pretty hair. But now, 4 hours later--not so much. I suppose I will let it keep going the way it is because anything else would be change and I don't like change. Simply put.

Oh my gosh--Isaac. What a character. You all are missing out. Nothing but a live viewing will do this boy justice. He is very helpful. He simply says, "Mom, can I help you?" He can make me melt. Well, he can also make me combust in the same conversation. He is a treasure. They all are.

And Rooster. He is a different kind of character. He is either happy and loving life or screaming his high pitched squeal. Nearly 1 and not really attempting to walk yet. Boy, does he love his daddy.

My urge to ramble has suddenly left me and I cannot finish this post fast enough. So I suppose that is all you are going to get from me tonight. Sleep well all.

catch up.

I really hate this program for blogging. I can NEVER get my font the way I want it on the first, second, or fifth attempt. It really bothers me that it has to be so difficult.

Moving on ... the last kitty died after about a week of torment. Not by the hands of my children but my husband. She was following Jake out the door and was caught perfectly for the door to close on her mid-section. Her spine was broken and I just felt terrible as she drug her hind quarters searching for a safe haven. She didn't seem to be in too much pain as she did not cry. Jake put her down. I was pretty broken up about this little kitty dying. I assume because she was just a baby. I hate death. Wow. Let's move on from here.

So Isaac has cavities. I would love to say that I brush his teeth daily and floss weekly but that is a big fat lie! I may brush monthly and floss during his 6 month check up. I know. You mothers out there are probably pulling at your hair with anguish on your faces thinking how could you do that to your sweet little man. Well, the intention is there but not the follow through. I have a goal to brush / floss more regularly and I think everyone else should as well. So he had an appointment to get his teeth filled and such in Wichita this morning at 6 am. Yeah. That put me leaving my house at 5 am and having Susan wake up early to get Jacob off to school. I get there and they say sorry, you can't have that baby in here so we'll have to reschedule you. Wow. No sympathy for a travelling girl. Apparently I should have known better. I guess she was right. Why would I think it was okay to have a baby in a doctor's office. I gave you the very short version but I will let you know, I kept my cool. I did not boycott them. I said I'm sorry for the trouble and they rescheduled me for Monday morning at the same time. I drove to Wichita for nothing. I did see that diesel is $3.07 which made me happy.

So maybe this hasn't come up yet but we are moving. Yes, you read that right. We just bought a house in town and will be moving sometime soon. It's too much to live and build so we found a good opportunity and took it. I have great expectations of a home with crisp clean lines and no clutter. I'll keep you posted on how that's working for me. We still plan on moving back to The Hill but maybe in a year or two. I am certain it will not be as stressful as the one 3 months ago since everything is still packed. We are crazy. So unpredictable.

Uhm, I don't know where I am with this. I am so sleepy I don't even know if I'm putting my words together correctly. I am sick, tired, and a headache has been creepin' in. I'm going to sleep hard tonight. I'm done. I'm out.

Oh, and Happy Halloween. I nearly forgot the holiday since we have not had it yet. We will be celebrating our trick or treating tomorrow cause in Seymour, and many other surrounding towns, it has been moved to Saturday so that there will be a great showing at the Friday night football game. Only in Texas.

9 lives

I picked up 2 kittens a couple days ago in an effort to rid my home of mice. These poor itsy bitsy kittens were abandoned by their humans and without their mama. So "mother mode" kicks in and I want to nurse them back to health (as if they were in bad health-I dunno). SO I buy wet cat food and give them the entire can which proved to be a bad idea. Because only one ate from it and he ate it all. 24 hours later dead kitty. Perhaps he overate and couldn't pass it fast enough. Again, I dunno.

So we are down to 1 kitty that has finally allowed itself to be handled by her new humans ... poor kitty didn't know how good she had it BEFORE she allowed us into her life. Darla, um ... I mean, Evann has come to her rescue. Every time she cries Evann goes to get her. Yes, Evann that is also as allergic to cats as her father. She picks her up and nuzzles her face into the belly of the cat. Moments later she emerges with hives but as she puts it, "That's okay." Yes, it's okay until she starts to scratch at her eyeballs and begs for medicine. Poor little girl. I suppose as her mother I should control the situation and forbid her to touch the cat but c'mon she's a little girl, a lover of all animals. And her allergy is not life threatening. A little Benadryl and we're good. A little nap and we are healed.

So this morning is a wonderfully rainy day. It's foggy and wet. I love these days. The wagon was filled with water from rain, several inches. Darla, I mean Evann, thought kitty needed a bath cause "she was all dirty and she got me dirty too!" as Evann puts it. So she drenches and quite possibly holds down the kitty in the pool of water at least 3 times. I say 3 since I keep hearing this horrific sound coming from the cat that many times. I demand the release of her prisoner and make her come inside. I scold her for being mean to the kitty and naturally, "I wasn't being mean, I was just getting her clean." This perhaps is what bathtime is like in Evann's mind. (Note to self: be more gentle while washing hair.)

So all is well and I feed the kids breakfast but I continue to hear that cat wailing. SO I go look for her and she is a fully saturated mess. She is half the cat she was, shaking and trembling. Not happy. So again, mother mode kicks in and I collect the cat and dry her off with an old towel. Not working, she's too wet and cold. So I take her upstairs and blow dry her until she gets her core temperature back up. ;) I left her in the towel in the other part of the house where she is now quite. Perhaps making an escape route in her mind for when she is fully recovered. Or only when she sees Evann lurking. I love my girl. She tries so hard, she's like the that old cartoon about the abominable snowman...

willden family

i'm thankful.

I'm thankful for my husband. For those unbelievers out there--Jake is the real deal. He has his mood swings but he is a loving husband, father, son, and brother. He does not show his feelings in a manner most familiar but I can tell you without doubt this man loves. He may rant when he's hurt but he's forgiving to a fault. You'll never know the lengths he will go if you never let him in. I am very grateful he listens to the spirit. Too many times my world was in danger of shattering and would have had it not been for the Spirit whispering in his ear.

I'm thankful for my children. They have changed me. They are teaching me things that I need to learn, not necessarily what I want to learn. I know this world is not all about me. I know it is about sacrificing and tests. I know it's about service and love for your fellow man. They are teaching me that time is precious. My time with them right now is precious. This is what matters. This is what I am here for. This is the purpose to my life. Raising children in the gospel of Jesus Christ and having them know their Savior, this is where it's at.

I'm thankful for my parents. I am grateful they have found a way to make their love work. Grateful they have raised us in this church and taught us the important things in life. Maybe we didn't pick up all the lessons right away but the impression was made. They are supportive and willing to help. Encouraging and realistic. They are greatly missed and loved. The kids and I long for their permanent stay in Texas...

There are many people in my life I am thankful for. Many people that deserve their name in my post but time does not permit it. I hear a child crying. An unhappy cry to be honest. So I must end. Perhaps in the next post I shall continue ... until then, just know you are loved.

still moving.

We've moved over some things but I need more. Naturally. Really, we just moved beds, fridge and stove so I need A LOT more. I've cleaned out much of my kitchen and have to say if I had cleaned out my cabinets more often I would have known that mice were able to get to the top shelf of my spice cabinet. Whoda thought they were that nimble?! Who do they think they are? Can I not have one place that is just mine?? No infestations of any kind!?

So I start unpacking some items yesterday and excitedly opened my silverware drawer for the first time since we set them up the night before. I plop a few razor blades into the drawer (Something we never have enough of. Weird.)and see movement. Crap, what was that? Big spider. WHY? I thought we bug/mice proofed our living quarters. Uhm no. What was I thinking? I left the critter alone cause I don't want to spray Black Flag into where my silverware will go and I most certainly will not grab paper towels and pick it up. SO I check this morning and it is gone. Nice. Where o where will it turn up next. Sock drawer? Ruben's diaper basket? Only time will tell. I did, however, spray the perimeter with some at-home bug treatment stuff. Let's hope the spider got a good whiff and will turn up upside down ... soon.

I saw the alligator lizard today. I did not tell Jacob though. He'd obsess about it again. Hm. Wonder where that comes from?

I really don't have time for more so another day, another time. Until then, keep blogging all. I look forward to reading your thoughts. By the way, I am not feeling as crabby...about a 4 on the scale. Although, I really have no patience for misbehaving children. My poor kids have it rough right now. Eh, they're resilient. They will get a big fat gift when all is said & done for being such troopers. Not sure what yet but perhaps something I don't even know about. Good bye.

catch up.

Does anyone else have trouble getting the font to stay the way you want it? Moving on ...

I'm still crabby. Not as bad as say 3 weeks ago (shoot, three days ago) but a 7 on a scale from 1-10. I am set to move in this weekend. Yikes. I am far from ready. Perhaps 15 bins and 8 boxes are ready. Yeah ... Not so good. But my theory is this: move what I need and come back for the rest ... I actually adapted that from another family member but whatever, let's (again) consider it is my theory.

I am interested to see how the kitchen comes out. We put one of the tables together today and I am excited to see how the whole thing will look together. Odd, no doubt, but just what we want. I found the tables/cabinets at IKEA (LOVE LOVE LOVE this place.) I actually found quite a few fun things ... I should be honest, I love almost everything about this store. I could go on for quite some time about the perks but will spare you. I spent three hours shopping there on Monday and was tempted to go another round. (I say round cause the store is set up like a maze. You enter here and end somewhere else.) I may have a problem.

Jake has taken this week off to finish this phase. He (and others) have been working like a madman. He gets a few weeks ahead trucking to spare a week to work day and night putting together a home. We've been running back & forth between our house and Susan's. I am so tired of this. You never feel like you belong. For instance tonight: I took some of my food to Susan's yesterday so there is nothing here. But tomorrow when I'm on the hill I will have wished I as at home for an extra change of clothes. The shuffle is killing all of us. I can't imagine the amount of money we will save on food alone when we are in Seymour. Thank goodness cause I hate Sonic.

We have an alligator lizard in the house. Well, at least that's what we call them in California. Jacob desperately wants to catch him so he can have a pet. He is frantic about not having something to take care of. I feel for them. I had pets all my life and can't imagine not having one. One of these days we'll get something but Jake says it will be a hog (to later slaughter), a calf (to later slaughter), or chickens (to steal their eggs). Good times. Good times.

Jacob turned 6 last Sunday. We took him to Castaway Cove to celebrate. Most of the family was there. Everyone got wet which was awesome. The lazy river makes it all worth it. The cliffhanger got even LG and Jared in the water. Actually the lazy river did but who cares right? We had fun and hit up CC's Pizza afterward.

Isaac is potty trained and with that a more frequent responsibility for me (ugh)--toilet paper duty. This has to be the worst stage in parenting. You really need to stop what you're doing EVERY time they pee, which is far too often. Let's not get into #2--so much waiting! Who really needs an audience? Anyway, I am taking him to a doctor in Dallas next month to have his size evaluated. I'll keep you posted.

Evann is growing up so fast. She is mimicking Jacob constantly. But doesn't really have anything going on in her life at the moment. Ruben as well, pretty dull. He has not cut any teeth yet but will try to take a bite out of you if you get near his gumline.

I think I've done far too much blogging for one evening. I'm sleepy and have much to do tomorrow. We are laying laminate flooring upstairs so I need my rest. Good night to all. Late.

nothing important.

I really have nothing important to discuss so I will just ramble and see where it goes...

I have been closed off. I've removed myself from whatever I could (many things will not allow this which is disappointing). I feel once I get through the move I will be in a better state of mind and my spirits can then (willingly) be lifted. Right now I just want to be left to wallow. Selfish? Yes, I know. But I need to be right now. At least I tell myself that. No, I do not feel like hurting my kids or leaving my husband. I am happy where they are concerned. Well, I do wish Evann & Isaac would stop having temper tantrums. It drives me insane when Isaac throws himself on the floor and then throws his head back onto whatever is behind him creating a loud thud followed by even more piercing screams. And I stand there fuming as I watch him do this not caring that he has been hurt. Shoot, he deserves it for acting like that. "I hope that hurts Isaac. Maybe next time you'll think twice before you throw yourself onto that tile floor behind you." He doesn't and he'll do it again in the very near future.

Evann is going through the "I don't WANT to" phase. That's just as frustrating. And who am I to be frustrated?? I am essentially doing the same thing. I am a hypocrite. And a negative one at that. Tired too. I will finish something tomorrow. That is once I do some work first. No, my reports are not 100% complete but I did get a lot of work done before my meaningless blog.

the time?

While discussing with Jake the idea that I will have a blog he asked me...do you have the time? (Hm. Interesting question.) He continues: See, you tell me you don't have time to do many of the things I have asked you not to mention the things you said you wanted to do for the family--like the laundry. I am still waiting for reports that I asked you for weeks ago. (True. True.) When do you think you have the time to do this?

I accept the point he is making--You are right Jake, I have neglected things. I half-heartedly plead my case stating why it may be good for us...It will give me things to talk about with him. (Long explanations that I won't trouble you with at this time.)And he says that's fine. He doesn't mind the blog but he won't be very happy if my blog is up to date and his financial records are not. So in the end I have been humbled. I can't justify making time for the things I want to do while only putting forth half the effort to the number one priority--the company. (Well, #1 after the family and what not.) So I may have a blog entry for the day but that will be after I have done my bookkeeping duty for the day.

I know this sounds almost silly but how do you argue against truth? I have asked Jake to help me become what I was years ago, organized and mindful of the task at hand. This will perhaps help me get one step closer to a newly reformed priority driven, organized Ryann. This is what I look forward to. I hate the chaos I have created.

On another note, I anxiously await my parents arrival. Jacob is out casting his fishing pole--just practicing for when he and Grandpa will hit up Miller Creek or maybe Lake Kemp. I dunno. Where's there any good fishing here where you can cook over an open fire. Dad likes to cook breakfast in the morning over an open flame after a hard (yet relaxing) morning of fishing. Or maybe during. I dunno that either cause it's been YEARS since I've fished with him.

That time issue comes to mind again. I gotta go. There is bound to be a load of laundry waiting for me...adios...

i'm moving.

In about 2 weeks we will be leaving our home of 3 1/2 years to move back to Seymour. Moving into a large space that needs work...a lot of work. We are only using about 1/3 of the building right now until the rest of the remodel is done. I have been spending the last 3 days sorting through my clutter to decide what I need.

I have this theory that if I don't use it in 6 months--get rid of it. I think someone else has that theory but I have taken it as my own. So this boggles my brain. I know I will not be using much of this junk so I should toss it right? But if I am to move into other parts of this house in the next 6 months (only time will tell) I should keep it. But I don't want to store junk. I can't figure out what I need now. What to store. What to toss. It's driving me nuts. Not as much as Ruben screaming though. It's just insane. I've spoiled him to where he wants no one else but me all the time.

So my blogging is over for now as I tend to the 5 month old that runs my life.

i'm obsessive.

I obsess over everything. Whatever it is I am feeling strongly about at the moment takes center stage. For instance, this blog. I said I would start a blog and here I am an hour after trying to start my first post still trying to figure out what to say. My day has been uneventful but the one thought is I'm obsessive.

Not over the things I really wish I would be though. Take cleaning for instance, when it was just me it was no problem to be anal about the direction the clothes hung in the closet not to mention divided up into seasons, type, and color. I have 5 other people to clean up after. I don't even know where Jake's G's are half the time. Where would 10 pairs be?? Certainly not in the laundry...ah, yes, there they are; still dirty.

I'm obsessive about my cooking. I search all resources until a recipe stands out and then I study it. Would so and so like this combination? Would Jake like the vegetables? Will the kids eat it? Can I find this ingredient? Is there time? I nit pick it to death. Most of the time my new found recipe is accepted and slid into rotation.

Photography. Wow, this is my most recent issue. I failed at shooting my brother-in-law's wedding and cannot get over it. I cried when I told him 20 rolls of film are complete trash. (Photoshop can't even help.) I cried when I told her. I cried when I thought about it for the first 24 hours. Nothing else mattered. Ever since I have carried my 2 cameras with me and am shooting everything that catches my eye. They are not turning out badly which makes me realize I cannot shoot indoors. I am not able to judge the lighting. I now belong to a photo forum where I am spending countless hours trying to understand exposure and lighting. Areas I thought I was well versed.

In short, I have 4 children and a husband. I don't have time to be obsessive. I don't know how to overcome this and am not sure I want to. I learn so much when I am in this mode but I neglect my family. As stated earlier: I've been at this blog for well over an hour now while Isaac has emptied the clothes hamper onto Ruben. Perhaps trying to remove yet another one of my distractions by suffocation. I hear the microwave open which couldn't be good. Last time he did this he tried to cook a toy. And I still type...and now a cry...hm. Guess I'll stop what I'M doing...